A Glossary for the Nineties: Chapter 16 - Eurojargon
[Taken from A Glossary for the Nineties, by David Rowan (Prion Books, 1998), based on the column of that name in The Guardian's Weekend magazine through most of the 1990s. © David Rowan]
CHAPTER 16: EUROJARGON
How to talk European
BANALISATION n. The process of eliminating administrative duplication, in the jargon of the European Union, so that toasters do not, for instance, need to be inspected both on leaving France and entering Britain. The word comes from the French banaliser (to make something commonplace) and not, as some have suggested, from the tone of John Major's voice.
BASKET OF CURRENCIES n. Those currencies whose fluctuations on the exchange market are used to determine the value of the single European currency. Not to be confused with basket case (see pound).
BOOMERANG CLAUSE n. The part of the EC treaty (article 91.2, to be precise) and the Efta convention (17.2) that requires every member state to accept the return of goods exported to another member state free of cutom duties and tax. Dull, but a hopeful sign that the Eurocrats may at last have begun injecting picturesque phrases into their jargon.
BROADENING v. Extending the EU's links with other states such as Slovakia, which are not necessarily brought within the union through the process known as enlargement. The term also refers to what Helmut Kohl does with his shoulders and chest before telling he British delegation what's what.
CASSIS DE DIJON n. Not a blend of kir and mustard, but a 1979 Court of Justice ruling that's still on every Eurocrat's lips. This established that goods made in one member state shoud be free to circulate in any other.
COHESION n. The means by which money from the rich north of the EU is channelled to the poor south so that the union is bound together. Often pronounced with a Spanish, Greek or Portuguese accent.
COMITOLOGY n. The principle that EU committees are responsible for assisting the Commission in implementing its decisions. Some etymologists believe the word is in fact mis-spelt and that EU decision-making relies largely on astrology.
CONCENTRIC CIRCLES n. An EU euphemism for the slower orbits in which the more sceptical member states, such as Britain, have avoided fully committing themselves to closer unity. The flaw in this metaphor is that concentric circules, by their mathematical nature, have a common centre, which some have calculated lies somewhere in the suburbs of Bonn.
CONVERGENCE n. The progressive movement of member states' economic policies towards each other. In practice, this means that they all sink into recession.
CROCODILE CLUB n. A club of MEPs founded in 1980 to commit Europe to advancing towards political union. Eurosceptics brashly dismiss them in public as reptiles who merely jaw, but if you look closely you can spot the tears welling up in the sceptics' eyes.
DEEPENING v. What Helmut Kohl does with his voice as he tells the British delegation what's what (see broadening). It's also process by which the existing EU members become further integrated, rather than gaining new members.
DELOCALISATION OF SAVINGS n. The transfer of investments by businesses and individuals to countries where tax rates are more favourable. There is no truth that delocalisation is derived from Jacques Delors , who always tended to be out of favour.
DENATURING v. Processing or destroying agricultural products to avoid surplus EU production. As we went to press, nature was being awarded a 6 billion ecu subsidy with which to fight back.
DOUBLE DISAPPROVAL n. An EU principle by which the price of a flight may only be prohibited if it has been vetoed by both governments concerned. Also the response given to Edward Heath as he walks past the Eurosceptic MPs John Redwood and Bill Cash.
ECONOMICALLY AND SOCIALLY LEAST PRIVILEGED GROUPS n. pl. The poor. Why would Europe use a little phrase when a big one might generate more income for the translators?
ECONOMICALLY INACTIVE PERSONS n. pl. In EU jargon, those people (such as students and playboys) who choose not to be employed. Also refers to the Eurocrats who spend all day coining such verbiage at our expense.
EUROSECURITIES n. pl. Financial guarantees distributed by a syndicate from more than one member state (cf Euroinsecurities, which disrupt William Hague's sleep patterns).
FLOOR n. What the pound, lira, franc, etc, generally fall through.
HARMONISATION n. The coordination of member states' national legislation and regulations, discussion of which produces violent schisms and disharmony.
HOT BANANA n. The huge zone curving through Europe from the British Midlands down via the Frankfurt region towards Milan, embracing the continent's greatest concentration of population and economic power. The French know the zone as the dorsale , or backbone, but a French veto has prevented the British from using the word "backbone" in any European context . . .
IMPS n. acr. Integrated Mediterranean Programmes: aid programmes to assist the economically and socially least privileged EU regions (qv) on the Mediterranean. British proposals for a smaller, cheaper version are sarcastically known a SHRIMPS.
IN-OUT COHABITATION n. Current Euro-jargon for the relationship between the states keen to join a common currency, and those determined to stay outside. But don't let the vicar hear you discussing it: he might get the wrong idea.
KANGAROO GROUP n. An informal group of MEPs who work together to get sectors of industry and commerce to help the European Commission define its strategies. Its name symbolises leaping over barriers - although the group's late founder, Basil de Ferranti, said that the kangaroo was a bad-tempered animal who, when confronted with a barrier, would probably just kick it in.
KETSCHUP n. Germ. The new German version of Ketchup - just as Kanguruh evolved from Kanguru. All part of the new Vienna Declaration, which supposedly simplifies the way the language is spelt. Or rather spellscht.
LEVEL PLAYING FIELD n. The European Central Cliche. Bet you can't find an EU speech which doesn't contain the phrase.
MAMMARY SECRETION n. jarg. An opaque white fluid produced by EU animals in a cunning bid to draw subsidies. It's what they call milk.
MONEY n. Sensitive to the vast amounts it spends, the EU uses euphemisms to avoid attracting too much attention. In deciding how much aid should go to the world's poorest countries, for instance, there is much talk of volume ; a large British rebate that was negotiated was an abatement ; and in budget discussions, cash comes as a financial envelope or package , inside which is found a number of budget lines.
NON-EDIBLE VEGETABLE n. jarg. A flower, in the new Euro-terminology decided in Brussels - just as milk is not simply milk but mammary secretions , and nuts are to be known as shell fruits. Euro-MPs have campaigned to remove such pompous language from official documents - they call it obscuranto (qv) - but still it persists.
OBSCURANTO n. A term for the language EU officials use to conduct self-important discussions well away from the public, covering up painful admissions with vague clouds of words. The harmless "proposals for stabilisation measures in the oil and fats regime", for instance, clouded wha was actually a threat of huge price increases for margarine and cooking oil.
SAGESSE NORMANDE, LA phr. Fr. The wisdom of Normandy, as promoted by a French speaker in an EU debate. Alas, the translation reportedly came out as: "We need Norman Wisdom." We challenge John Redwood to prove otherwise.
SOCIAL DUMPING n. jarg. The tendency of industry to move jobs to the member state with the weakest labour protection and lowest wages. Also the tendency of Conservative Eurosceptics to could-shoulder Edward Heath at cocktail parties.
TEMPORARY adj. Permanent, used for measures about which the Commission is embarrassed (such as milk quotas). Limits on what farmers could produce were introduced "temporarily" way back in 1984. They continue to be "reviewed" (qv mammary secretion).
TRANSPARENCY n. Code for opening up the union's secretive decision-making institutions: a direct challenge to obscuranto (qv).
VALUES n. pl. What a Paris hotel was recently advising guests, in an English-language notice, to leave at the front desk for safekeeping. A fine example of inappropriate translation that was matched only by the Prague tourist agency, which in 1992 urged visitors to "take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages." Or the German camp site, the same year, where a sign warned: "It is forbidden on our camp site that people of different sex, for instance men and women, live together in one tent, unless they are married with each other for that purpose."
WHEELED CHILD CONVEYANCING VEHICLE n. jarg. What the European Union calls a pram. In 1997 it came up with new regulations, which led Britain's Department of Trade and Industry to go one better: a pram, it declared, is "a wheeled vehicle designed for the transport in a seated or semi-recumbent position of one or two babies or infants or any carry-cot or transporter thereof". Poetry.
WOMEN, THE PROFESSIONAL INSERTION OFv. One of the Commisison's stated priorities for its "social action programme". Presumably the Commission meant that it could do what it could to help women to progress within the professions, but certain minds boggled.
CHAPTER 16: EUROJARGON
How to talk European
BANALISATION n. The process of eliminating administrative duplication, in the jargon of the European Union, so that toasters do not, for instance, need to be inspected both on leaving France and entering Britain. The word comes from the French banaliser (to make something commonplace) and not, as some have suggested, from the tone of John Major's voice.
BASKET OF CURRENCIES n. Those currencies whose fluctuations on the exchange market are used to determine the value of the single European currency. Not to be confused with basket case (see pound).
BOOMERANG CLAUSE n. The part of the EC treaty (article 91.2, to be precise) and the Efta convention (17.2) that requires every member state to accept the return of goods exported to another member state free of cutom duties and tax. Dull, but a hopeful sign that the Eurocrats may at last have begun injecting picturesque phrases into their jargon.
BROADENING v. Extending the EU's links with other states such as Slovakia, which are not necessarily brought within the union through the process known as enlargement. The term also refers to what Helmut Kohl does with his shoulders and chest before telling he British delegation what's what.
CASSIS DE DIJON n. Not a blend of kir and mustard, but a 1979 Court of Justice ruling that's still on every Eurocrat's lips. This established that goods made in one member state shoud be free to circulate in any other.
COHESION n. The means by which money from the rich north of the EU is channelled to the poor south so that the union is bound together. Often pronounced with a Spanish, Greek or Portuguese accent.
COMITOLOGY n. The principle that EU committees are responsible for assisting the Commission in implementing its decisions. Some etymologists believe the word is in fact mis-spelt and that EU decision-making relies largely on astrology.
CONCENTRIC CIRCLES n. An EU euphemism for the slower orbits in which the more sceptical member states, such as Britain, have avoided fully committing themselves to closer unity. The flaw in this metaphor is that concentric circules, by their mathematical nature, have a common centre, which some have calculated lies somewhere in the suburbs of Bonn.
CONVERGENCE n. The progressive movement of member states' economic policies towards each other. In practice, this means that they all sink into recession.
CROCODILE CLUB n. A club of MEPs founded in 1980 to commit Europe to advancing towards political union. Eurosceptics brashly dismiss them in public as reptiles who merely jaw, but if you look closely you can spot the tears welling up in the sceptics' eyes.
DEEPENING v. What Helmut Kohl does with his voice as he tells the British delegation what's what (see broadening). It's also process by which the existing EU members become further integrated, rather than gaining new members.
DELOCALISATION OF SAVINGS n. The transfer of investments by businesses and individuals to countries where tax rates are more favourable. There is no truth that delocalisation is derived from Jacques Delors , who always tended to be out of favour.
DENATURING v. Processing or destroying agricultural products to avoid surplus EU production. As we went to press, nature was being awarded a 6 billion ecu subsidy with which to fight back.
DOUBLE DISAPPROVAL n. An EU principle by which the price of a flight may only be prohibited if it has been vetoed by both governments concerned. Also the response given to Edward Heath as he walks past the Eurosceptic MPs John Redwood and Bill Cash.
ECONOMICALLY AND SOCIALLY LEAST PRIVILEGED GROUPS n. pl. The poor. Why would Europe use a little phrase when a big one might generate more income for the translators?
ECONOMICALLY INACTIVE PERSONS n. pl. In EU jargon, those people (such as students and playboys) who choose not to be employed. Also refers to the Eurocrats who spend all day coining such verbiage at our expense.
EUROSECURITIES n. pl. Financial guarantees distributed by a syndicate from more than one member state (cf Euroinsecurities, which disrupt William Hague's sleep patterns).
FLOOR n. What the pound, lira, franc, etc, generally fall through.
HARMONISATION n. The coordination of member states' national legislation and regulations, discussion of which produces violent schisms and disharmony.
HOT BANANA n. The huge zone curving through Europe from the British Midlands down via the Frankfurt region towards Milan, embracing the continent's greatest concentration of population and economic power. The French know the zone as the dorsale , or backbone, but a French veto has prevented the British from using the word "backbone" in any European context . . .
IMPS n. acr. Integrated Mediterranean Programmes: aid programmes to assist the economically and socially least privileged EU regions (qv) on the Mediterranean. British proposals for a smaller, cheaper version are sarcastically known a SHRIMPS.
IN-OUT COHABITATION n. Current Euro-jargon for the relationship between the states keen to join a common currency, and those determined to stay outside. But don't let the vicar hear you discussing it: he might get the wrong idea.
KANGAROO GROUP n. An informal group of MEPs who work together to get sectors of industry and commerce to help the European Commission define its strategies. Its name symbolises leaping over barriers - although the group's late founder, Basil de Ferranti, said that the kangaroo was a bad-tempered animal who, when confronted with a barrier, would probably just kick it in.
KETSCHUP n. Germ. The new German version of Ketchup - just as Kanguruh evolved from Kanguru. All part of the new Vienna Declaration, which supposedly simplifies the way the language is spelt. Or rather spellscht.
LEVEL PLAYING FIELD n. The European Central Cliche. Bet you can't find an EU speech which doesn't contain the phrase.
MAMMARY SECRETION n. jarg. An opaque white fluid produced by EU animals in a cunning bid to draw subsidies. It's what they call milk.
MONEY n. Sensitive to the vast amounts it spends, the EU uses euphemisms to avoid attracting too much attention. In deciding how much aid should go to the world's poorest countries, for instance, there is much talk of volume ; a large British rebate that was negotiated was an abatement ; and in budget discussions, cash comes as a financial envelope or package , inside which is found a number of budget lines.
NON-EDIBLE VEGETABLE n. jarg. A flower, in the new Euro-terminology decided in Brussels - just as milk is not simply milk but mammary secretions , and nuts are to be known as shell fruits. Euro-MPs have campaigned to remove such pompous language from official documents - they call it obscuranto (qv) - but still it persists.
OBSCURANTO n. A term for the language EU officials use to conduct self-important discussions well away from the public, covering up painful admissions with vague clouds of words. The harmless "proposals for stabilisation measures in the oil and fats regime", for instance, clouded wha was actually a threat of huge price increases for margarine and cooking oil.
SAGESSE NORMANDE, LA phr. Fr. The wisdom of Normandy, as promoted by a French speaker in an EU debate. Alas, the translation reportedly came out as: "We need Norman Wisdom." We challenge John Redwood to prove otherwise.
SOCIAL DUMPING n. jarg. The tendency of industry to move jobs to the member state with the weakest labour protection and lowest wages. Also the tendency of Conservative Eurosceptics to could-shoulder Edward Heath at cocktail parties.
TEMPORARY adj. Permanent, used for measures about which the Commission is embarrassed (such as milk quotas). Limits on what farmers could produce were introduced "temporarily" way back in 1984. They continue to be "reviewed" (qv mammary secretion).
TRANSPARENCY n. Code for opening up the union's secretive decision-making institutions: a direct challenge to obscuranto (qv).
VALUES n. pl. What a Paris hotel was recently advising guests, in an English-language notice, to leave at the front desk for safekeeping. A fine example of inappropriate translation that was matched only by the Prague tourist agency, which in 1992 urged visitors to "take one of our horse-driven city tours. We guarantee no miscarriages." Or the German camp site, the same year, where a sign warned: "It is forbidden on our camp site that people of different sex, for instance men and women, live together in one tent, unless they are married with each other for that purpose."
WHEELED CHILD CONVEYANCING VEHICLE n. jarg. What the European Union calls a pram. In 1997 it came up with new regulations, which led Britain's Department of Trade and Industry to go one better: a pram, it declared, is "a wheeled vehicle designed for the transport in a seated or semi-recumbent position of one or two babies or infants or any carry-cot or transporter thereof". Poetry.
WOMEN, THE PROFESSIONAL INSERTION OFv. One of the Commisison's stated priorities for its "social action programme". Presumably the Commission meant that it could do what it could to help women to progress within the professions, but certain minds boggled.
posted by David Rowan at Thursday, January 01, 1998
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