A Glossary for the Nineties: Chapter 7 - Advertising and marketing
[Taken from A Glossary for the Nineties, by David Rowan (Prion Books, 1998), based on the column of that name in The Guardian's Weekend magazine through most of the 1990s. © David Rowan]
CHAPTER 7: ADVERTISING AND MARKETING
The new buzzwords of the hard-sell industries
ADSTURBATION n. The practise of advertisers to grab your attention by teasing you with sexy and enticing images. It's what media-sales people call the growing trend towards unnecessarily blatant come-ons when selling products from holidays to coffee. And you can guess which self-satisfying pastime the term is alluding to.
ATTITUDE n. A fizzy drink, in current marketing-speak. Here's Coca-Cola's marketing chief announcing its new drink Fruitopia (his italics): "It's not so much a product . . . as it is an attitude . . . an attitude about what people want from their beverages." Must try harder.
BOOMER BABBLE n. Jargon used by ad-execs seeking to reach the rich "baby-boomers" born between the war and the mid-1960s. In New York, one baby-boom analyst has launched a monthly Boomer Report, with features on older vanguard boomers and their children - echo boomers, part of the post-boomer birth dearth generation. (See also post-boomer.)
COLD FAX v. To send an unsolicited fax to promote a product or solicit opinions for a survey. A late variation on cold-calling.
COMPARATIVE AD n. euph. A euphemistic way of talking about an attack ad - those nasty, cynical spots on TV favoured by US politicians. By pretending they're merely comparing policies rather than attacking them, advertisers can claim they're not actually polluting the political process.
DESEASONALISATION n. The marketing industry's word for the growing practice of selling seasonal goods for weeks or months ahead. Watch out for Christmas cards entering the shops as soon as the Easter eggs finally depart.
ENHANCED UNDERWRITER ACKNOWLEDGEMENTn. America's Public Broadcasting System isn't allowed to accept adverts. The solution: don't call them adverts, but enhanced underwriter acknowledgements. You won't see any "commercials", just "acknowledgements" among the programmes that "identify" corporate products and logos to attract "additional business support". Hmm.
GRAZE v. The highly selective way to consume a diversity of newspapers, TV channels, Internet pages, magazine sections, etc, in this info-saturated media age. As the Washington Post put it, "random grazing is in". Or was it the Times of India? Or Channel 8?
GREENLASH n. An increasing awareness among consumers that many "environmentally friendly" claims for products are full of hot CO2. It's the green backlash against companies deemed guilty of what is called eco-fraud: such as a company's claim that by avoiding chlorine in its (non-degradable) nappies, it is being "friendly" to the environment, or claims that nuclear power is the true "green" fuel.
GUEST n. A shopper, in the new retail terminology that regards salespeople as sales associates and the actual sale as relationship building. That way, you can persuade the staff that they're doing nothing so demeaning as simply relieving people of their dosh; and the customer - sorry, guest - feels obliged to sustain the relationship.
HEINEKENISE v. To ensure that your commercial product (let's say, a taste-free beer) is excessively prominent in a television programme you're sponsoring. Originating from a beer-company memo to the makers of its "advertiser supplied" TV show, which it felt refreshed too many parts with wine - when instead the stars ought to be enjoying a well-known brand of beer.
HYPER n. The music-industry term for a member of the chart-rigging teams who buy discs in selected stores to push them towards the top. It's become such a problem that one songwriter has offered a £10,000 reward for information on hypers. Of course, he could always spend that money buying records . . .
LEMON n. A woman who lives alone, in the latest marketing-speak, and who has little interest in financial services. Marketeers prefer the plum , a married man with above-average income who is keen to boost his pension.
MOLECULAR MARKETING n. A company's use of many small elements in a broad marketing campaign that the consumer links together to identify the brand. Ballantine's scotch whisky, for instance, has been associating its name with rock concerts, sport and fashion. This subtly builds "awareness profile" among the hard-to-reach, advertising-weary under-35s - and has been scientifically proven to sell more whisky.
NEW INCOMPETENCE, THE n. A popular ad-industry trend, in which an amateurish, sloppy image is used to sell products ranging from Embassy Regal cigarettes to the Big Breakfast. Numbed by slick professionalism, it's claimed, the punters warm to tasteless or deliberately shoddy ads that make them feel less threatened. Also known as downmarketism.
PESTER POWER n. That sweet habit children seem to have of persuading parents to spend big bucks on specific brand names. It's what makes toy and fast-food commercials work so effectively, and the key is to appeal to parents through their children: "OK, I'll buy you a bloody Teletubbies doll, just stop pestering me . . ." Little cherubs.
PIZZA n. A marketing term for the basic product that customers can customise by adding any extras that make it appetising to them. It's used mainly in the car industry to describe the standard car design which can have sunroofs, stereos or alloy wheels sprinkled on top.
POST-BOOMER adj.,n. A member of that generation born after the post-second-world-war baby boom which, around the mid-1960s, went bust as the birth-rate fell. So advertisers decided we had entered the post-boomer age, in which, rather predictably, the buster would be the key to big spending.
PRADVERTISING n. How the marketing industry describes its latest ploy to get you thinking of, and then buying, the product: it's the use of shock advertising to generate media chatter. Exemplified by Benetton and its pictures of Aids patients or baby births. Oops, there we go mentioning the product again. . .
PSYCHOGRAPHICS n. The marketing world's latest term for niche-targeting. Whereas demographics classifies people by life-and-death statistics, psychographics does the same based on their thinking. So you can sell your car to those who think about cars.
PSYCHONOMICS n. New form of "behavioural economics" that uses psychological insights to work out how you'll spend your money. Forget the inflation rate - what really makes you spend is flattery and egotism. Now playing at a supermarket near you.
REDUPLICATE n. A new verb of the mail-shot age: the process by which mailing lists must be constantly cross-checked and copied out again so that you don't receive 200 begging letters from your favourite charity. Tick here if you only want to receive 20.
SMART MAIL n. Junk mail that has been computer-sorted to go to the right type of consumer. The marketing industry has just gone wild over it - so next time you buy a corkscrew, expect a mailing from the wine club.
SOFT-DRINKS LANDSCAPE n. jarg. What you enter, according to the latest marketing speak, whenever you open a can of fizz. Coined by those high-spending folk at Pepsi, who claimed that their £300 million relaunch would "remake the international soft-drinks landscape". Their reasoning: "Blue is modern and cool, exciting and dynamic, and, most importantly, it's a color that powerfully communicates refreshment" - a definition that Dr Johnson notably failed to spot.
SPLURCHASE n. An impulse buy in a supermarket or superstore. The term is particularly favoured by "retail analysts", whose job it is to make you buy things you
don't need. So that Snoopy toothbrush you never opened all those years ago was actually deep psychology.
SUG v. acr. To sell someone a product, or at least to try to, under the guise of conducting market research (as you're "Selling Under the Guise"). A new trick of free-market capitalism, recorded in the new Concise Oxford Dictionary.
UNCOMMERCIAL n. An anti-consumer advertisement of the type that is increasingly hitting TV screens in North America. The message: shopping isn't all life is about - know that you are being manipulated. Also known as a subvertisement.
VALUE-ADDED ENTERTAINMENT MOMENT n. What the US TV network NBC now calls a break between programmes. "Break" might get viewers switching over, but value-added entertainment, well, that's showbiz.
WASH ITS FACE v. To earn enough in terms of revenue and brand loyalty to make a special offer worthwhile (as in "But will our value-added complimentary soap offer wash its face?"). Currently favoured by marketing departments.
CHAPTER 7: ADVERTISING AND MARKETING
The new buzzwords of the hard-sell industries
ADSTURBATION n. The practise of advertisers to grab your attention by teasing you with sexy and enticing images. It's what media-sales people call the growing trend towards unnecessarily blatant come-ons when selling products from holidays to coffee. And you can guess which self-satisfying pastime the term is alluding to.
ATTITUDE n. A fizzy drink, in current marketing-speak. Here's Coca-Cola's marketing chief announcing its new drink Fruitopia (his italics): "It's not so much a product . . . as it is an attitude . . . an attitude about what people want from their beverages." Must try harder.
BOOMER BABBLE n. Jargon used by ad-execs seeking to reach the rich "baby-boomers" born between the war and the mid-1960s. In New York, one baby-boom analyst has launched a monthly Boomer Report, with features on older vanguard boomers and their children - echo boomers, part of the post-boomer birth dearth generation. (See also post-boomer.)
COLD FAX v. To send an unsolicited fax to promote a product or solicit opinions for a survey. A late variation on cold-calling.
COMPARATIVE AD n. euph. A euphemistic way of talking about an attack ad - those nasty, cynical spots on TV favoured by US politicians. By pretending they're merely comparing policies rather than attacking them, advertisers can claim they're not actually polluting the political process.
DESEASONALISATION n. The marketing industry's word for the growing practice of selling seasonal goods for weeks or months ahead. Watch out for Christmas cards entering the shops as soon as the Easter eggs finally depart.
ENHANCED UNDERWRITER ACKNOWLEDGEMENTn. America's Public Broadcasting System isn't allowed to accept adverts. The solution: don't call them adverts, but enhanced underwriter acknowledgements. You won't see any "commercials", just "acknowledgements" among the programmes that "identify" corporate products and logos to attract "additional business support". Hmm.
GRAZE v. The highly selective way to consume a diversity of newspapers, TV channels, Internet pages, magazine sections, etc, in this info-saturated media age. As the Washington Post put it, "random grazing is in". Or was it the Times of India? Or Channel 8?
GREENLASH n. An increasing awareness among consumers that many "environmentally friendly" claims for products are full of hot CO2. It's the green backlash against companies deemed guilty of what is called eco-fraud: such as a company's claim that by avoiding chlorine in its (non-degradable) nappies, it is being "friendly" to the environment, or claims that nuclear power is the true "green" fuel.
GUEST n. A shopper, in the new retail terminology that regards salespeople as sales associates and the actual sale as relationship building. That way, you can persuade the staff that they're doing nothing so demeaning as simply relieving people of their dosh; and the customer - sorry, guest - feels obliged to sustain the relationship.
HEINEKENISE v. To ensure that your commercial product (let's say, a taste-free beer) is excessively prominent in a television programme you're sponsoring. Originating from a beer-company memo to the makers of its "advertiser supplied" TV show, which it felt refreshed too many parts with wine - when instead the stars ought to be enjoying a well-known brand of beer.
HYPER n. The music-industry term for a member of the chart-rigging teams who buy discs in selected stores to push them towards the top. It's become such a problem that one songwriter has offered a £10,000 reward for information on hypers. Of course, he could always spend that money buying records . . .
LEMON n. A woman who lives alone, in the latest marketing-speak, and who has little interest in financial services. Marketeers prefer the plum , a married man with above-average income who is keen to boost his pension.
MOLECULAR MARKETING n. A company's use of many small elements in a broad marketing campaign that the consumer links together to identify the brand. Ballantine's scotch whisky, for instance, has been associating its name with rock concerts, sport and fashion. This subtly builds "awareness profile" among the hard-to-reach, advertising-weary under-35s - and has been scientifically proven to sell more whisky.
NEW INCOMPETENCE, THE n. A popular ad-industry trend, in which an amateurish, sloppy image is used to sell products ranging from Embassy Regal cigarettes to the Big Breakfast. Numbed by slick professionalism, it's claimed, the punters warm to tasteless or deliberately shoddy ads that make them feel less threatened. Also known as downmarketism.
PESTER POWER n. That sweet habit children seem to have of persuading parents to spend big bucks on specific brand names. It's what makes toy and fast-food commercials work so effectively, and the key is to appeal to parents through their children: "OK, I'll buy you a bloody Teletubbies doll, just stop pestering me . . ." Little cherubs.
PIZZA n. A marketing term for the basic product that customers can customise by adding any extras that make it appetising to them. It's used mainly in the car industry to describe the standard car design which can have sunroofs, stereos or alloy wheels sprinkled on top.
POST-BOOMER adj.,n. A member of that generation born after the post-second-world-war baby boom which, around the mid-1960s, went bust as the birth-rate fell. So advertisers decided we had entered the post-boomer age, in which, rather predictably, the buster would be the key to big spending.
PRADVERTISING n. How the marketing industry describes its latest ploy to get you thinking of, and then buying, the product: it's the use of shock advertising to generate media chatter. Exemplified by Benetton and its pictures of Aids patients or baby births. Oops, there we go mentioning the product again. . .
PSYCHOGRAPHICS n. The marketing world's latest term for niche-targeting. Whereas demographics classifies people by life-and-death statistics, psychographics does the same based on their thinking. So you can sell your car to those who think about cars.
PSYCHONOMICS n. New form of "behavioural economics" that uses psychological insights to work out how you'll spend your money. Forget the inflation rate - what really makes you spend is flattery and egotism. Now playing at a supermarket near you.
REDUPLICATE n. A new verb of the mail-shot age: the process by which mailing lists must be constantly cross-checked and copied out again so that you don't receive 200 begging letters from your favourite charity. Tick here if you only want to receive 20.
SMART MAIL n. Junk mail that has been computer-sorted to go to the right type of consumer. The marketing industry has just gone wild over it - so next time you buy a corkscrew, expect a mailing from the wine club.
SOFT-DRINKS LANDSCAPE n. jarg. What you enter, according to the latest marketing speak, whenever you open a can of fizz. Coined by those high-spending folk at Pepsi, who claimed that their £300 million relaunch would "remake the international soft-drinks landscape". Their reasoning: "Blue is modern and cool, exciting and dynamic, and, most importantly, it's a color that powerfully communicates refreshment" - a definition that Dr Johnson notably failed to spot.
SPLURCHASE n. An impulse buy in a supermarket or superstore. The term is particularly favoured by "retail analysts", whose job it is to make you buy things you
don't need. So that Snoopy toothbrush you never opened all those years ago was actually deep psychology.
SUG v. acr. To sell someone a product, or at least to try to, under the guise of conducting market research (as you're "Selling Under the Guise"). A new trick of free-market capitalism, recorded in the new Concise Oxford Dictionary.
UNCOMMERCIAL n. An anti-consumer advertisement of the type that is increasingly hitting TV screens in North America. The message: shopping isn't all life is about - know that you are being manipulated. Also known as a subvertisement.
VALUE-ADDED ENTERTAINMENT MOMENT n. What the US TV network NBC now calls a break between programmes. "Break" might get viewers switching over, but value-added entertainment, well, that's showbiz.
WASH ITS FACE v. To earn enough in terms of revenue and brand loyalty to make a special offer worthwhile (as in "But will our value-added complimentary soap offer wash its face?"). Currently favoured by marketing departments.
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