A Glossary for the Nineties: Chapter 9 - Business and finance
[Taken from A Glossary for the Nineties, by David Rowan (Prion Books, 1998), based on the column of that name in The Guardian's Weekend magazine through most of the 1990s. © David Rowan]
CHAPTER 9: BUSINESS AND FINANCE
How money talks
AUDIT n. What used to be called a quick check, but much more expensive. It started with the process that financial accounts underwent; but now every business feels the need to hire expensive consultants to perform environmental audits, transparency audits, stress audits and, no doubt, toilet-paper-in-the-mens'-room audits. There, that definitional audit will be £25,000, please.
BIMBO n. No longer merely the airhead who dogs politicians' lives; now also part of the respectable jargon of business. Remember the eighties trend for management buy-outs (in which a company's directors buy up the stock) and buy-ins (in which outsiders gain control)? More and more companies are now going half-way, so a bimbo is the middle ground between buy-in and buy-out.
BLUE POUND n. The part of the economy generated by pornography. Not to be confused with the pink pound (qv).
BOXSHIFTER n. A pile-em-high, sell-em-quick retailer, particularly in the computer sector. As in: "We can't honour your warranty, sir, we're just a boxshifter."
BUSINESS BONDAGE n. The means by which a company ensures that staff are unable, through contractual reasons, to leave for a better job. This is typically achieved by attaching golden handcuffs to their employment contract: a financial incentive that they will lose if they leave.
CASH OPERATION PROFIT n. euph. A massive financial loss. At least, that's how Sir Alastair Morton, co-chairman of Eurotunnel, described his company's £925 million loss a couple of years ago. The figure, he said, actually represented the success story of having "reached a cash operation profit"'. And so we give our fullest congratulations for this startling achievement.
CORRECTION n. What the US stock market recently underwent, when a sudden 7.1 per cent price fall produced excessive sweat under the executive collar. Business journalists did not dare use such emotive words as crash or plunge ; instead they discussed the correction, disruption, and volatility. Far less costly.
DEAD MOUSE BOUNCE sl. Originally there was the dead cat bounce , City slang for the tendency of shares to do what a cat does when thrown out of a high window: fall until it hits the bottom, and then bounce up just a bit before falling back again. This variation was the way a French city trader described the movement of EuroDisney shares, at a time when they sank and then suddenly rose spectacularly. Investors ditched their shares but then scrambled to buy them back again: proving that chez Donald et Mickey was not quite a dead duck.
DIGITAL HYGIENE n. jarg. We're not exactly sure what this one means, but we do know that the London Stock Exchange has warned dealers that "good digital hygiene" is the way to minimise the risk of a "viral invasion". It might involve ensuring their PCs have filters against computer viruses; or we might have completely misunderstood, in which case please re-file this under the Health chapter . . .
EMPOWER v. What every nineties manager claims to be doing to the staff. It generally involves telling everyone in the office that they ought to be using the word empowered a great deal, and does not, of course, involve giving them any power.
EXPOSURE n. A company's possible loss of an unbelievably large sum of money - a recession-generated euphemism to make it easier to break the news to the shareholders (as in "Barclays Bank, Rosehaugh's main creditor with an exposure of £75 million, will announce the appointment of a receiver today . . ."). Plenty more such phrases, no doubt, to follow.
GREENSCAM v. To establish a supposedly grassroots environmental movement that actually represents commercial interests. They have names such as the American Environmental Foundation (a Florida organisation that defends property rights) and the Global Climate Coalition (commercial interests that seek to avoid laws that would cut global warming).
HARDNOSE (THROUGH) v. What British bosses must do when they're paid unfathomable amounts of money, according to Howard Davies, former chief of the CBI.
HOLD v. euph. A City term which means sell, except sell has the negative connotation that a stock is unwanted. So in 1993 a number of market analysts decided they would overcome this awkwardness and officially say they were "holding" stocks when previously they had talked of "selling" them. Then, once the masses got wind of what they were doing, they started talking about a "strong hold". Finally they decide that, regarding dodgy shares, they would be "aggressively neutral". Not a comfortable position to hold.
HORSEBLANKET n., jarg. In the jargon of management consultancy, this seems to mean "an overall strategic plan for business revitalisation, shown on one large diagram (about the size of a horseblanket)". That's how Gemini Consulting put it - and why should we argue with fluff so meaningless that it won them the Financial Times's Business Jargon Competition?
HOTEL v. To rent out a building for very short periods in the absence of a long-term tenant. NatWest Bank, for instance, sees hotelling as a neat way of filling up its London tower, letting out parts of it for as little as a month at a time. Breakfast not included.
HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER n. What used to be called a personnel officer, before the nineties company decided that humans should be thought of as just another resource, along with PCs, paperclips and post-rooms. The management of human resources, naturally enough, may lead to delayering, delevelling, de-jobbing, etc. (qv).
INTEREST-RATE HOLIDAY n. euph. A rather sunny-sounding solution for an acute financial crisis. It's what Eurotunnel went on when it found it rather difficult to repay its £8 billion debt; ie the banks let it off the hook for a while. But this was no fortnight's delight; it was expected to last 18 months.
INTRAPRENEUR n. Business types who direct their enterprise from within existing firms, rather than start their own. Psychologists say they're less in need of proving themselves than entrepreneurs, though they're still only happy when they've got to the top.
IRISHISEv. To re-invent a business (especially a pub) with an Irish or mock-Irish theme. Spot them by the leprechauns in the window display, the O-apostrophe attached in front of the old name, and the loud protests from local residents.
PHANTOM SHARE n. For the top boss who has everything. These shares don't actually exist, but the boss is rewarded as if they did. So with no time wasted buying and selling, executives are free to ponder issues of social justice.
RECEIVABLES n. pl. Money owed to a business for a product or service it has supplied. Until it is paid the cash flow suffers. It's not quite a bad debt, but until it comes in it's not an asset either.
REDENOMINATION n. econ. The lopping-off of a few zeros from your currency to try to make people forget how weak it is. Russia did it on December 31 1997, when the rouble ws trading at about 6,000 to the dollar. Redenomination instantly turned the rate to 6 to the dollar. Of course, the rouble in your pocket has not been devalued - well, apart from the loss of three noughts . . .
SUNRISE INDUSTRY n. The type of manufacturing business which is on the up: it generally makes electronic components, robots, silicon chips, or other high-tech goods on which the economic sun is increasingly shining. Named in contrast to the sunset industries of the seventies and eighties, from coal to steel.
TENPERCENTARY n. sl. In the latest West Coast slang, a Hollywood agent - ten per cent being the going rate they charge their clients.
VIRTUAL COMPANY n. A business whose every aspect is run by independent suppliers. A sneaker company, for instance, might buy in its shoes from someone else's factory, advertise them through someone else's agency, sell them in someone else's store, and work out profits through someone else's accounting firm. That leaves one very rich boss with time to play golf, and possibly a rather trendy logo.
VULTURE CAPITALISTn. An investor who takes a considerable risk with their funds, in return for an excessive rate of return. An American coinage that's been around for 20 years or so, it has been given a new lease of life by the new entrepreneurs servicing the negative-equity generation.
WIMBLEDONISATION n. The process whereby a British industry makes itself as attractive as possible to sell itself to a world market - and even lets the foreigners win. It started with the tennis tournament, which sought to entice the world's best players, and has now spread to high finance. As Douglas Hurd defines it, it means the conditions that have allowed foreign banks to own a controlling interest in the City of London.
CHAPTER 9: BUSINESS AND FINANCE
How money talks
AUDIT n. What used to be called a quick check, but much more expensive. It started with the process that financial accounts underwent; but now every business feels the need to hire expensive consultants to perform environmental audits, transparency audits, stress audits and, no doubt, toilet-paper-in-the-mens'-room audits. There, that definitional audit will be £25,000, please.
BIMBO n. No longer merely the airhead who dogs politicians' lives; now also part of the respectable jargon of business. Remember the eighties trend for management buy-outs (in which a company's directors buy up the stock) and buy-ins (in which outsiders gain control)? More and more companies are now going half-way, so a bimbo is the middle ground between buy-in and buy-out.
BLUE POUND n. The part of the economy generated by pornography. Not to be confused with the pink pound (qv).
BOXSHIFTER n. A pile-em-high, sell-em-quick retailer, particularly in the computer sector. As in: "We can't honour your warranty, sir, we're just a boxshifter."
BUSINESS BONDAGE n. The means by which a company ensures that staff are unable, through contractual reasons, to leave for a better job. This is typically achieved by attaching golden handcuffs to their employment contract: a financial incentive that they will lose if they leave.
CASH OPERATION PROFIT n. euph. A massive financial loss. At least, that's how Sir Alastair Morton, co-chairman of Eurotunnel, described his company's £925 million loss a couple of years ago. The figure, he said, actually represented the success story of having "reached a cash operation profit"'. And so we give our fullest congratulations for this startling achievement.
CORRECTION n. What the US stock market recently underwent, when a sudden 7.1 per cent price fall produced excessive sweat under the executive collar. Business journalists did not dare use such emotive words as crash or plunge ; instead they discussed the correction, disruption, and volatility. Far less costly.
DEAD MOUSE BOUNCE sl. Originally there was the dead cat bounce , City slang for the tendency of shares to do what a cat does when thrown out of a high window: fall until it hits the bottom, and then bounce up just a bit before falling back again. This variation was the way a French city trader described the movement of EuroDisney shares, at a time when they sank and then suddenly rose spectacularly. Investors ditched their shares but then scrambled to buy them back again: proving that chez Donald et Mickey was not quite a dead duck.
DIGITAL HYGIENE n. jarg. We're not exactly sure what this one means, but we do know that the London Stock Exchange has warned dealers that "good digital hygiene" is the way to minimise the risk of a "viral invasion". It might involve ensuring their PCs have filters against computer viruses; or we might have completely misunderstood, in which case please re-file this under the Health chapter . . .
EMPOWER v. What every nineties manager claims to be doing to the staff. It generally involves telling everyone in the office that they ought to be using the word empowered a great deal, and does not, of course, involve giving them any power.
EXPOSURE n. A company's possible loss of an unbelievably large sum of money - a recession-generated euphemism to make it easier to break the news to the shareholders (as in "Barclays Bank, Rosehaugh's main creditor with an exposure of £75 million, will announce the appointment of a receiver today . . ."). Plenty more such phrases, no doubt, to follow.
GREENSCAM v. To establish a supposedly grassroots environmental movement that actually represents commercial interests. They have names such as the American Environmental Foundation (a Florida organisation that defends property rights) and the Global Climate Coalition (commercial interests that seek to avoid laws that would cut global warming).
HARDNOSE (THROUGH) v. What British bosses must do when they're paid unfathomable amounts of money, according to Howard Davies, former chief of the CBI.
HOLD v. euph. A City term which means sell, except sell has the negative connotation that a stock is unwanted. So in 1993 a number of market analysts decided they would overcome this awkwardness and officially say they were "holding" stocks when previously they had talked of "selling" them. Then, once the masses got wind of what they were doing, they started talking about a "strong hold". Finally they decide that, regarding dodgy shares, they would be "aggressively neutral". Not a comfortable position to hold.
HORSEBLANKET n., jarg. In the jargon of management consultancy, this seems to mean "an overall strategic plan for business revitalisation, shown on one large diagram (about the size of a horseblanket)". That's how Gemini Consulting put it - and why should we argue with fluff so meaningless that it won them the Financial Times's Business Jargon Competition?
HOTEL v. To rent out a building for very short periods in the absence of a long-term tenant. NatWest Bank, for instance, sees hotelling as a neat way of filling up its London tower, letting out parts of it for as little as a month at a time. Breakfast not included.
HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGER n. What used to be called a personnel officer, before the nineties company decided that humans should be thought of as just another resource, along with PCs, paperclips and post-rooms. The management of human resources, naturally enough, may lead to delayering, delevelling, de-jobbing, etc. (qv).
INTEREST-RATE HOLIDAY n. euph. A rather sunny-sounding solution for an acute financial crisis. It's what Eurotunnel went on when it found it rather difficult to repay its £8 billion debt; ie the banks let it off the hook for a while. But this was no fortnight's delight; it was expected to last 18 months.
INTRAPRENEUR n. Business types who direct their enterprise from within existing firms, rather than start their own. Psychologists say they're less in need of proving themselves than entrepreneurs, though they're still only happy when they've got to the top.
IRISHISEv. To re-invent a business (especially a pub) with an Irish or mock-Irish theme. Spot them by the leprechauns in the window display, the O-apostrophe attached in front of the old name, and the loud protests from local residents.
PHANTOM SHARE n. For the top boss who has everything. These shares don't actually exist, but the boss is rewarded as if they did. So with no time wasted buying and selling, executives are free to ponder issues of social justice.
RECEIVABLES n. pl. Money owed to a business for a product or service it has supplied. Until it is paid the cash flow suffers. It's not quite a bad debt, but until it comes in it's not an asset either.
REDENOMINATION n. econ. The lopping-off of a few zeros from your currency to try to make people forget how weak it is. Russia did it on December 31 1997, when the rouble ws trading at about 6,000 to the dollar. Redenomination instantly turned the rate to 6 to the dollar. Of course, the rouble in your pocket has not been devalued - well, apart from the loss of three noughts . . .
SUNRISE INDUSTRY n. The type of manufacturing business which is on the up: it generally makes electronic components, robots, silicon chips, or other high-tech goods on which the economic sun is increasingly shining. Named in contrast to the sunset industries of the seventies and eighties, from coal to steel.
TENPERCENTARY n. sl. In the latest West Coast slang, a Hollywood agent - ten per cent being the going rate they charge their clients.
VIRTUAL COMPANY n. A business whose every aspect is run by independent suppliers. A sneaker company, for instance, might buy in its shoes from someone else's factory, advertise them through someone else's agency, sell them in someone else's store, and work out profits through someone else's accounting firm. That leaves one very rich boss with time to play golf, and possibly a rather trendy logo.
VULTURE CAPITALISTn. An investor who takes a considerable risk with their funds, in return for an excessive rate of return. An American coinage that's been around for 20 years or so, it has been given a new lease of life by the new entrepreneurs servicing the negative-equity generation.
WIMBLEDONISATION n. The process whereby a British industry makes itself as attractive as possible to sell itself to a world market - and even lets the foreigners win. It started with the tennis tournament, which sought to entice the world's best players, and has now spread to high finance. As Douglas Hurd defines it, it means the conditions that have allowed foreign banks to own a controlling interest in the City of London.
posted by David Rowan at Thursday, January 01, 1998
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