The Times: Are celebrities' children's books worth reading?
Stars such as Jerry Seinfeld are writing children's books. But are they any good, asks David Rowan
Forget the Academy Award nominations, the million-dollar yacht moored in Monaco, and the amusement park dedicated to your pop career: the only measure of showbiz success that counts nowadays is the critical acclaim of three-year olds at bedtime.
The children's publishing market may lack the glamour of gala film openings or the profits of a star recording contract, but suddenly a kids' picture-book is the ultimate celebrity accessory. The comedian Jerry Seinfeld has just published one, as has the film director Spike Lee and the rap star LL Cool J, while Julie Andrews and Jamie Lee Curtis have several to their name. Even Madonna has a book coming out soon.
The star names are proving irresistible to publishers, especially in the US, where they can guarantee sales of at least 50,000 -a tiny percentage of a Seinfeld television audience, but a blockbuster in the pre-school world.
"Of course, if you have a celebrity author, he will get publicity opportunities," admits Tracy van Straaten, the publicity director at Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing in New York, whose recent releases include Spike Lee's Please, Baby, Please (with his wife Tonya). "But the writing still has to be good."
The British literary establishment remains cautious about many celebrities' writing ability. A London children's editor recalls Sarah Ferguson's Budgie the Helicopter series as a "quite dire" example of fame substituting for literary gifts. Editors also remember with amusement Anthea Turner's efforts six years ago to stimulate children's imaginations with her Underneath the Underground series. "It was about a group of mice who live on the Tube, and it sank without trace," says Sue Buswell, the head of picture books at HarperCollins. "As a parent, would you trust a book just because it was written by a celebrity? If Anne Diamond decided to write something on the back of her Big Brother exposure, I don't think people would believe she could suddenly turn in to a hildren's book writer."
There is also British resistance to the moralising of many US celebrity authors. Many of the current crop of books contain thinly veiled moral homilies: from Andrews's message that teamwork is all, to Curtis's plea for children to accept themselves as they are.
HarperCollins has tested Curtis's books in the UK, but with little success. "They were just too American," Buswell says. But the trend will inevitably cross the Atlantic, says the agent Celia Catchpole, who represents a range of British children's writers and illustrators. "Publishers want to make money, and we can't argue against the cult of celebrity," she says. "But I worry that it pushes real books off the shelves."
A successful children's author needs qualities that do not necessarily come with fame, Catchpole says. "You need to understand the age of the child you're addressing, and have great skill with words. The best writers also know what to leave to the illustrator, and they don't need to thump the message home."
Van Straaten sees a motivation among some of her star authors as "giving something back". "Often public figures will offer their support to a charity, and ask how they can put their celebrity to good use," she says. "Spike Lee and his wife Tonya were concerned that they were not able to find books featuring African-Americans for their own children."
Whether or not such books last is another matter. "Celebrities come and go very quickly, especially in the children's world," says Venetia Gosling, editorial director at Hodder Children's Books, who is none too keen on the trend.
The ultimate goal for children's publishers is to produce another The Tiger Who Came to Tea, the 1968 Judith Kerr book that remains HarperCollins's bestselling picture book. But children know that the real stars are not necessarily the names on the front. "We tend to create characters who become celebrities, rather than the other way round," Gosling explains. "When we have a book signing, it's the character Kipper that people want to see, not the author Mick Inkpen. But he doesn't mind."
[PANEL}
Jamie Lee Curtis
I'm Gonna Like Me: Letting Off a Little Self-Esteem
Illustrations, Laura Cornell (Joanna Cotler Books)
In a nutshell: I might be the gawky gap-toothed kid who's not cool like everyone else at school, but as long as I like myself I'll be fine.
Typical passage: "I'm gonna like me wearing flowers and plaid. I have my own style. I don't follow some fad."
Moral message: The key to feeling good is liking yourself because you are you.
Literary merits: Plot development hampered by excessively egocentric lead character whose sole purpose is to deliver schmaltzy homilies in weak rhyming couplets (task/asked, mom/Tom).
Juvenile verdict: "She's silly. I wouldn't like to play with her. And she's got a messy bedroom." Claudia, four
Jerry Seinfeld
Halloween
Illustrations, James Bennett (Little, Brown)
In a nutshell: What did you say? Everyone just gives away sweets on Halloween? The fools. I gotta be a part of this!
Typical passage: "They come to the door. They always ask you the same stupid question: 'What are you supposed to be?' 'I got 18 houses on this block, sweetheart. You hit the bag, we hit the road.' "
Moral message: Life is about accumulating as many sweets as possible.
Literary merits: A laugh-out-loud Seinfeld routine, based on his own childhood recollections, that works beautifully alongside Bennett's comic illustrations. And if you just want the Seinfeld stand-up version, you get that on an accompanying live CD.
Juvenile verdict: "I want to go trick-or-treating. It's a yummy story." Jack, eight
Spike Lee & Tonya Lee
Please, Baby, Please
Illustrations, Kadir Nelson (Simon & Schuster)
In a nutshell: A naughty but cute toddler is forgiven a day full of mischief and trouble-making by her ever-loving mama.
Typical passage: "Don't eat the sand, baby baby baby, please. Now hold my hand, baby baby, please, baby. Please eat your peas, baby baby baby baby..."
Moral message: Look, publishing world, it is possible to produce a conventional children's picture-book that stars a black middle-class family. Even if it takes an Oscar-nominated film director to do it.
Literary merits: The book's skill lies in its simplicity. It is pitched perfectly for two to four-year-olds, who will be particularly drawn in by Nelson's terrifically perceptive caricatures of naughtiness.
Juvenile verdict: "She's going to be in big trouble. She shouldn't draw on the walls." Claudia
Dolly Parton
Coat of Many Colours
Illustrations, Judith Sutton (HarperCollins)
In a nutshell: The young Dolly was so poor that her mama had to make her a coat from rags. But she shrugged off the schoolyard taunts by knowing that her mama's love made her rich.
Typical passage: "Mama sewed the rags together. She sewed every stitch with love, and made my coat of many colours that I was so proud of."
Moral message: Fill your life with love, wholesome Christian values and family sing-songs round the kitchen fire. Shed a tear too at the book's dedication: "To anyone who has suffered the pain of being made fun of, may this book be healing."
Literary merits: The text is based on Parton's gushing 1969 song of the same name, featuring such edifying couplets as: "Through life I've remained happy, and good luck is on my side. I have everything that anyone could ever want from life." Someone ought to be very embarrassed about letting this get into print. It has a higher cringe factor than all the other books combined.
Juvenile verdict: "I liked the Joseph story better." Claudia
Julie Andrews Edwards
Dumpy and the Big Storm
With Emma Walton Hamilton; Illustrations, Tony Walton (Hyperion)
In a nutshell: When a storm hits Apple Harbour, Dumpy the Dump Truck works with Stinky the Garbage Truck and Big Red the Fire Engine to rescue the farmer's pigs.
Typical passage: "Dumpy and his sleepy passengers beeped farewell to their friends. As they drove off, they passed Trusty the Mail Truck, on his way to the headland with replacement parts for the lighthouse. 'Wottle-wottle- wottle-wot!' Trusty wheezed."
Moral message: Teamwork is all.
Literary merits: A conventional picture-book which may sell more because of parents' memories of Mary Poppins than because of any particular originality.
Juvenile verdict: "Nice. A bit long." Claudia
LL Cool J
And the Winner Is ...
Illustrations, JibJab Media (Scholastic)
In a nutshell: A young basketball player, looking remarkably like the rap-star author, discovers that it's better to both win and lose gracefully.
Typical passage: "When you're a winner, as you've been before, remember to walk with humility, and never be a loser who's sore. Believe in yourself, have fun and be true. Give it your all. Be proud! Be you!"
Moral message: Er, that's as deep as it goes.
Literary merits: Mr Cool J may have certain skills as a hip-hop artist -as you can hear in the accompanying "rap-a-long" CD -but J. K. Rowling he ain't. A half-formed thought dressed up in bad rhyming couplets.
Juvenile verdict: "It's boring. And the pictures aren't very nice. It might be more for older children." Jack
(The Times, December 16 2002)
Forget the Academy Award nominations, the million-dollar yacht moored in Monaco, and the amusement park dedicated to your pop career: the only measure of showbiz success that counts nowadays is the critical acclaim of three-year olds at bedtime.
The children's publishing market may lack the glamour of gala film openings or the profits of a star recording contract, but suddenly a kids' picture-book is the ultimate celebrity accessory. The comedian Jerry Seinfeld has just published one, as has the film director Spike Lee and the rap star LL Cool J, while Julie Andrews and Jamie Lee Curtis have several to their name. Even Madonna has a book coming out soon.
The star names are proving irresistible to publishers, especially in the US, where they can guarantee sales of at least 50,000 -a tiny percentage of a Seinfeld television audience, but a blockbuster in the pre-school world.
"Of course, if you have a celebrity author, he will get publicity opportunities," admits Tracy van Straaten, the publicity director at Simon & Schuster Children's Publishing in New York, whose recent releases include Spike Lee's Please, Baby, Please (with his wife Tonya). "But the writing still has to be good."
The British literary establishment remains cautious about many celebrities' writing ability. A London children's editor recalls Sarah Ferguson's Budgie the Helicopter series as a "quite dire" example of fame substituting for literary gifts. Editors also remember with amusement Anthea Turner's efforts six years ago to stimulate children's imaginations with her Underneath the Underground series. "It was about a group of mice who live on the Tube, and it sank without trace," says Sue Buswell, the head of picture books at HarperCollins. "As a parent, would you trust a book just because it was written by a celebrity? If Anne Diamond decided to write something on the back of her Big Brother exposure, I don't think people would believe she could suddenly turn in to a hildren's book writer."
There is also British resistance to the moralising of many US celebrity authors. Many of the current crop of books contain thinly veiled moral homilies: from Andrews's message that teamwork is all, to Curtis's plea for children to accept themselves as they are.
HarperCollins has tested Curtis's books in the UK, but with little success. "They were just too American," Buswell says. But the trend will inevitably cross the Atlantic, says the agent Celia Catchpole, who represents a range of British children's writers and illustrators. "Publishers want to make money, and we can't argue against the cult of celebrity," she says. "But I worry that it pushes real books off the shelves."
A successful children's author needs qualities that do not necessarily come with fame, Catchpole says. "You need to understand the age of the child you're addressing, and have great skill with words. The best writers also know what to leave to the illustrator, and they don't need to thump the message home."
Van Straaten sees a motivation among some of her star authors as "giving something back". "Often public figures will offer their support to a charity, and ask how they can put their celebrity to good use," she says. "Spike Lee and his wife Tonya were concerned that they were not able to find books featuring African-Americans for their own children."
Whether or not such books last is another matter. "Celebrities come and go very quickly, especially in the children's world," says Venetia Gosling, editorial director at Hodder Children's Books, who is none too keen on the trend.
The ultimate goal for children's publishers is to produce another The Tiger Who Came to Tea, the 1968 Judith Kerr book that remains HarperCollins's bestselling picture book. But children know that the real stars are not necessarily the names on the front. "We tend to create characters who become celebrities, rather than the other way round," Gosling explains. "When we have a book signing, it's the character Kipper that people want to see, not the author Mick Inkpen. But he doesn't mind."
[PANEL}
Jamie Lee Curtis
I'm Gonna Like Me: Letting Off a Little Self-Esteem
Illustrations, Laura Cornell (Joanna Cotler Books)
In a nutshell: I might be the gawky gap-toothed kid who's not cool like everyone else at school, but as long as I like myself I'll be fine.
Typical passage: "I'm gonna like me wearing flowers and plaid. I have my own style. I don't follow some fad."
Moral message: The key to feeling good is liking yourself because you are you.
Literary merits: Plot development hampered by excessively egocentric lead character whose sole purpose is to deliver schmaltzy homilies in weak rhyming couplets (task/asked, mom/Tom).
Juvenile verdict: "She's silly. I wouldn't like to play with her. And she's got a messy bedroom." Claudia, four
Jerry Seinfeld
Halloween
Illustrations, James Bennett (Little, Brown)
In a nutshell: What did you say? Everyone just gives away sweets on Halloween? The fools. I gotta be a part of this!
Typical passage: "They come to the door. They always ask you the same stupid question: 'What are you supposed to be?' 'I got 18 houses on this block, sweetheart. You hit the bag, we hit the road.' "
Moral message: Life is about accumulating as many sweets as possible.
Literary merits: A laugh-out-loud Seinfeld routine, based on his own childhood recollections, that works beautifully alongside Bennett's comic illustrations. And if you just want the Seinfeld stand-up version, you get that on an accompanying live CD.
Juvenile verdict: "I want to go trick-or-treating. It's a yummy story." Jack, eight
Spike Lee & Tonya Lee
Please, Baby, Please
Illustrations, Kadir Nelson (Simon & Schuster)
In a nutshell: A naughty but cute toddler is forgiven a day full of mischief and trouble-making by her ever-loving mama.
Typical passage: "Don't eat the sand, baby baby baby, please. Now hold my hand, baby baby, please, baby. Please eat your peas, baby baby baby baby..."
Moral message: Look, publishing world, it is possible to produce a conventional children's picture-book that stars a black middle-class family. Even if it takes an Oscar-nominated film director to do it.
Literary merits: The book's skill lies in its simplicity. It is pitched perfectly for two to four-year-olds, who will be particularly drawn in by Nelson's terrifically perceptive caricatures of naughtiness.
Juvenile verdict: "She's going to be in big trouble. She shouldn't draw on the walls." Claudia
Dolly Parton
Coat of Many Colours
Illustrations, Judith Sutton (HarperCollins)
In a nutshell: The young Dolly was so poor that her mama had to make her a coat from rags. But she shrugged off the schoolyard taunts by knowing that her mama's love made her rich.
Typical passage: "Mama sewed the rags together. She sewed every stitch with love, and made my coat of many colours that I was so proud of."
Moral message: Fill your life with love, wholesome Christian values and family sing-songs round the kitchen fire. Shed a tear too at the book's dedication: "To anyone who has suffered the pain of being made fun of, may this book be healing."
Literary merits: The text is based on Parton's gushing 1969 song of the same name, featuring such edifying couplets as: "Through life I've remained happy, and good luck is on my side. I have everything that anyone could ever want from life." Someone ought to be very embarrassed about letting this get into print. It has a higher cringe factor than all the other books combined.
Juvenile verdict: "I liked the Joseph story better." Claudia
Julie Andrews Edwards
Dumpy and the Big Storm
With Emma Walton Hamilton; Illustrations, Tony Walton (Hyperion)
In a nutshell: When a storm hits Apple Harbour, Dumpy the Dump Truck works with Stinky the Garbage Truck and Big Red the Fire Engine to rescue the farmer's pigs.
Typical passage: "Dumpy and his sleepy passengers beeped farewell to their friends. As they drove off, they passed Trusty the Mail Truck, on his way to the headland with replacement parts for the lighthouse. 'Wottle-wottle- wottle-wot!' Trusty wheezed."
Moral message: Teamwork is all.
Literary merits: A conventional picture-book which may sell more because of parents' memories of Mary Poppins than because of any particular originality.
Juvenile verdict: "Nice. A bit long." Claudia
LL Cool J
And the Winner Is ...
Illustrations, JibJab Media (Scholastic)
In a nutshell: A young basketball player, looking remarkably like the rap-star author, discovers that it's better to both win and lose gracefully.
Typical passage: "When you're a winner, as you've been before, remember to walk with humility, and never be a loser who's sore. Believe in yourself, have fun and be true. Give it your all. Be proud! Be you!"
Moral message: Er, that's as deep as it goes.
Literary merits: Mr Cool J may have certain skills as a hip-hop artist -as you can hear in the accompanying "rap-a-long" CD -but J. K. Rowling he ain't. A half-formed thought dressed up in bad rhyming couplets.
Juvenile verdict: "It's boring. And the pictures aren't very nice. It might be more for older children." Jack
(The Times, December 16 2002)
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